One of the most frustrating things about getting clean or sober is the speed at which we recover. A couple of weeks into a treatment center and we think we’re well. We’re fully detoxed, we’re looking a whole lot better, we’re thinking more clearly and we have a firm resolve that this time, it’s going to work.
And then we start making plans. We begin to rethink our priorities. With two and a half months remaining in rehab, we’ve already got our ducks lined up for when we graduate from treatment. We’re going to get our girlfriend back, we’re going to move into an apartment by ourselves because we’re sick of roommates, we’re going to find a “get well” job until we finish college or we’re going to find employment that is suitable for someone of our ilk.
What’s missing in this scenario that we’ve painted in our heads is the fact that we have yet to establish a foundation for our recovery. Our drug and alcohol addiction should be proof positive that we can’t manage our own lives. Not only must we “get back to basics,” but also we must put aside any advanced planning until our other priorities are met.
Our No. 1 job is to build on our sobriety or clean time and that task supersedes anything else we might set our minds to. Truth of the matter is, without sobriety or clean time, we cannot successfully have a good game plan for our futures. It’s impossible. Our experience shows that once we’ve reached the stage where we need help to overcome our addiction, we have lost any semblance of fixing things all by ourselves.
So, stop the wedding. Slow down. It’s time to regroup. Those lofty goals must be put on hold until we’ve got a solid foundation for our recovery. First off, we have to realize that the process of recovery is a lifetime proposition. We don’t just “get well” and move on with our lives.
One of those priorities is going to meetings. Lots of meetings. When the counselors at your recovery center suggest you supplement your program with Twelve Step meetings, they aren’t just talking about while you’re in treatment. In recovery, we often say “One day at a time,” but what we really mean is for the rest of our lives. It’s comforting to say one day at a time, but it’s not realistic if we want to maintain long-term and comfortable sobriety or clean time.
Slacking off on meetings and not calling your sponsor are the top reasons why those in recovery end up drinking or using again. Go to any meeting anywhere and listen carefully to those who are returning to the rooms of recovery after a run. Almost to a man – or a woman – they will say things were going along just great and then other priorities absorbed their time and they started to miss meetings. Pretty soon they were only going to one meeting a week and maybe calling their sponsor just about as often.
Then they quit even going to that meeting and somehow they misplaced their sponsor’s phone number. Besides, if they called her, she’d just complain that they never called. And we quit calling the friends we’ve made it recovery. Without that “picket fence” of friends, we start thinking that a drink or a little hit of cocaine won’t hurt us, and we’re off to the races.
We believe the only way to successfully combat drug and alcohol addiction is to remain active in recovery. That means become active in the meetings by being of service. Set up the chairs, make the coffee, get a literature commitment – do something to make yourself useful and to take yourself out of yourself.
You’ve got a sponsor; learn to use him or her. Willingly go through the steps of whatever Twelve Step program you’re endorsing. Go to book studies, retreats and speaker meetings. And surround yourself with those who share your addiction and are trying to get better. These are the folks who will have your back when the urge to drink or use strikes. They’re just a cell phone call away and more than willing to go out for a cup of coffee and talk about your problems or cravings.
The result of all this “action” is that we slowly begin to replace our old selfish, self-centered, destructive habits, with a new way of life. We find ourselves becoming honest, despite ourselves. No longer are we looking for red flashing lights in the rear mirror of our car. We’re more patient, we’re kinder to others, and we’ve even picked up a little humility in the process.
But none of this comes about unless we build a firm foundation. We find a God of our understanding who is able to help us prepare the ground floor for our new, improved selves.
Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach, California, treats those suffering from alcoholism, drug abuse and mental disorders. For more information, call .
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